On iMacs

Dear Apple,

I used to reserve my comments on your personal computer you call Macintosh, mainly because I've never used one. Even when there's a lot of pricks trying to convince me to use a Mac, I decline politely, saying I'm comfortable with the operating systems I'm using. I never say anything negative about Macs, simply because I have no experience aside from the stupid fandom. But now, I can safely say your product sucks dicks. As in gay.

First off, there's this command key. Who the fuck reaches for the command key for every fucking thing you want to do. It makes using a mouse a necessity, something for stupid people who cannot use a keyboard properly. It's damn near impossible to use the keyboard alone for accomplishing anything. And speaking of keyboards, the flat layout is simply irritating. And why did you bother putting the control and alt keys when you insist on using your special "Apple" command key? The control key is king, as it makes the pinky useful. Am I to assume that all Mac users can only use their thumbs and pointers?

Oh, and while tinkering around your browser, I pressed F5, thinking this would refresh the page. Instead, your machine started speaking out everything I type or point in. It took me a good few minutes to figure out what I did wrong and how to fix it. Lucky for me, I know how to mess around these things. When this happened to my stepbrother, he got irritated so much because it was speaking out all his chat messages he turned it off, which is probably the only good thing a Mac is.

And while we're at the browser, why do you insist on having separate windows for everything? Tabs are so much more convenient. I did figure out how to use tabs as default, but now I have to press the Apple key (with my thumb, instead of my pinky), the shift key, and the caret key at the same time just to switch tabs. That's using three keys with two hands. Of course, I could always download Firefox, too bad this machine isn't mine. Wait, make that... good thing this isn't mine.

Back to the keyboard... now that I am typing this blog, I realize that it doesn't have the ability to use the numeric keypad to input ASCII characters. And no, I don't want to figure it out. Also, there's no right click option so that I could just use the keyboard to navigate the cursor and right click on a spelling error. Oh, wait, I forgot. THERE'S NO RIGHT CLICK!

As another argument that iMacs are meant for stupid people, when I press the Apple key and W, wherein I expect to have the tab closed, a popup asks me if I really want to close the tab. OF COURSE I WANT TO CLOSE THE TAB. That's why I pressed the awkwardly placed Apple key and W key. While you can argue that the shortcuts would just take time to get used to, I do not want to be asked for confirmation whenever I use these shortcuts... that's why they're called shortcuts in the first place.

Oh, and don't even argue that Macs are bug-free. I just had a Safari browser session closed due to an exception that "might be caused by Flash". Note that I wasn't in any site using Flash at the said time. I wanted to take a screenshot of it, but apparently, there's no print screen key in your keyboard, and I'm too lazy to find out how to take screenshots in a machine I wouldn't want to use in the first place.

My conclusion is this machine is for stupid or gay people. If I had a choice, I would never use this thing again.


Macfags Hater,


On Ice Cream Store sa Visayas Ave.

Dear Ice Cream Store,

You know, I like your store. I like your affordable but tasty ice cream bars and cones. I like your toaster oven pizzas and even your deluxe sundaes.

However, I hate the fact that your clerks allow street children lurking around there. Every time I buy, there's always a group of kids hounding for alms or asking for the ice cream I just bought. No, I will not give them the ice cream I just bought. And I did not go all the way to your store just to be harassed by these kids.

And this time, I'm not blaming the parents. I'm blaming the clerks of your particular store. They do nothing to keep those pesky children from the facade of the store, and even allow them inside.

Isn't customer satisfaction a part of good service? As far as I can tell, none of the customers are satisfied that those children are around. And I can tell that these children aren't a part of your customers.

tl;dr: Get rid of those kids, or risk losing valuable customers.


Irritated Ice Cream Store Customer,


On Google Ads

Dear Google,

Why must you place hamburger-related advertisements on my blog? I know you select relevant ads depending on the content, and that I have previously written something about McDonald's hamburgers, but why must they be meat? And why do they sometimes have to be kobe-beef-delivered-right-at-your-doorstep advertisements? WHY?

Thank you for making me feel the pains of my poverty.


Hungry Impoverished Blogger,