On Swine Flu and Philippine Media

Dear Media,

It has become apparent to me that you believe that eating or handling pork will give you swine flu. No it will not. Taking pictures of "daring" wet market butchers chopping up pork products amidst the global pandemic crisis is not helping.

It is safe to eat cooked pork—the virus dies in heat. The reason it is spreading out the entire world is because of human-to-human respiratory contact. The only reason this illness is called "swine flu" is because the virus is the same to that found to be causing influenza in pigs. Yes, you can get this flu from pigs but only if you get them to cough on you or something like that.

And according to reports, WHO just doesn't want to rename the misnamed flu because it is the one used during the first outbreak, and in doing so stop confusion in renaming it. Apparently this has caused confusion in you believing handling pork is hazardous especially during these times.

tl;dr: Stop with these pandemic fallacies, you're just causing more panic than what is needed.


Whine-flu Patient,

Pork is delicious, and I'm feeling like having bacon right now.


On Some Filipino Cosplayers

Dear Cosplayers,

Your mission should be to fit into the character, not to make the character fit into you, hence the term "costume playing". There are many characters to play as, and if you do not fit the body size requirements, please do not attempt to try.

You might be able to pull of the costume or the attitude, but the fit is very important. Nobody wants to see a fatass version of a sexy character. You would've incited killing rage amongst the fanboys/fangirls of the said character, you're just lucky that Filipinos aren't as deranged as Japanese otakus.

tl;dr: Choose someone near your body size, such as Doraemon.


Sexy Cosplay Viewer,


On Contracting Taxi Drivers

Dear Driver,

The reason you have that meter on your cab is to measure the amount we have to pay to you. You don't blurt out how much you want expecting to get it. You especially don't ask for double the price tag.

The route I take is only 90Php by cab. And during this time of year, there's absolutely no heavy traffic, and the only stops you must take are those in the two traffic lights, and they're not even that long. And the destination lies just next to a major highway where surely you won't have a problem getting your next passenger.

Too bad for you, the 60Php tip I was willing to give that particular day went to the next driver who did his job properly and didn't ask for an unfair amount upfront, and that driver went by the second you rejected me. I hope you saw the smile he wore as he drove pass your sorry passenger-less excuse for a cab.

tl;dr: You should have your license revoked.


Good Samaritan hoping for your bad karma,


On YouTube Country Limitations

Dear Google,

I'd probably forgive some of your country limitations on some music videos or public-access TV shows you block on YouTube, displaying a message "This video is not available in your country", wherein the content really should be limited by the country (although I still find little reason for you doing that, the internet being as it is). But after clicking the link on the first query of "kaleidoscope world youtube" on Google, and finding this blocked, I draw the line.

I mean, come on, blocking a video access clearly from my own country? Sure, I could hook up to a proxy and attempt a slower transfer to an already congestedly slow broadband access, but I'd rather not.

These country limitations of yours are a joke. Just remove them, the site's losing the "You" from its title.

tl;dr: Remove country limits on YouTube.


The Video Should Be Available Everywhere,


On Western Union Billboard Ads

Dear Western Union,

While I am aware that 96% of the people who read your advertisement wouldn't notice, I am not one of those statistics.

Your latest billboard ad has a slogan "Kampante ako dito". If you do not find anything wrong with that, then I suggest you repeat elementary Filipino.

Whenever prepositions or adverbs beginning with "d", such as "dito", "doon", or "din", is directly proceeding a word ending in a vowel (a, e, i, o, or u), the "d" of that word becomes an "r". Since "dito" is preceeded by the word "ako", the correct form to use is "rito". The correct sentence would have been "Kampante ako rito".

I suggest you correct this grammatical mistake, as your erroneous billboards might suggest that our race is as uneducated on their own language as they really are.


Marcos ng Gramatika,