On Irritating Facebook Apps

Dear Developers,

No, I don't want to allow your application to post on my wall. Please don't bug me with a message asking special permissions to post every time I attempt to use your application. I haven't allowed your application to do so the first time I used it, and I won't allow it ever. If I change my mind, I do know how to tinker with it at the application settings page. Don't develop it this way. It's irritating even for a time-wasting application.

tl;dr: Shut your application up.


Professional Internet Denizen,


On More Reasons to Hate Macfags

Dear Macfag,

The reason my PC (note that I'm using the term `Personal computer`, not referring to the OS or the build of the machine, since it has a dual-boot OS and customized parts) broke is because its power supply is more or less 8 years old... almost half my age. It's not because "it's not a Mac", and because "it uses Windows"... no. I happened to have upgraded my machine quite a few times during its life, a feat you're machine will not accomplish.

Also, due to this predicament, my brother has to use the iMac here at home. Every time he connects, he always asks me to power-cycle our router because the stupid machine won't connect. No, it's not the router's problem, as its firmware is updated. It's because of that stupid machine, which explicitly states we should power-cycle our router to fix the problem.

Stop bugging me with your machine. I've already ordered for new parts which are superior to your just-for-show stupid gay people's machine. I'm sticking to my custom-built, fully-upgradable, gaming, entertainment, multimedia, and multipurpose machine. No, I'm not and never going to switch to a Mac. Period.

tl;dr: Your machine still sucks, and I'm not switching.


Still a Macfag Hater,


On Cheating Taxi Drivers

Dear Driver,

You were lucky that I was already in a pretty bad mood that your actions weren't enough to make it worse. However, you should know that having a meter that ticks three times faster is against the law. Not only should I have not given you the amount your "broken" meter was asking for, but I should have also just left you hanging out there when we alight your pathetic excuse of a living.

You know, I'm in a foul mood that I'd ignore this. But if ever I encounter you again, I'd seriously report you to your operator, or to the franchising board; not that they'd do anything about it, but hey, who knows? I'd do everything in my power to label you a criminal and have your "professional" license revoked.

tl;dr: Fix your "broken" meter.


Disgruntled Taxi Passenger,


On Fail Internet Users

Dear Subscriber,

You have been infected with malware which is causing your computer to send data through the internet making you part of the botnet. I have mentioned a couple of difficult words there which you probably don't understand, especially since you're stupid enough to be infected and become part of it.

I'd rather not bother usually. And usually, I'd laugh in your face and call you a noob. However, your actions have banned my public IP address running through our shared proxy cache. And now, I can't access my own blog. What the hell, Google? Okay, so it isn't Google's fault. And I can't really blame my ISP either.

I don't need you to understand the last paragraph. But what I want you to know is that it's your fault, you fail user of the internet, that I cannot access Blogspot.

Here are some protips you must follow:
  1. Do not click on everything that pops up or sparkles or flashes in front of you.
  2. Stop downloading porn.
  3. Do not install anything downloaded from the web that isn't verified.
  4. Stop downloading porn.
  5. Use a secure browser and actually use its security features.
  6. Stop downloading porn.
  7. Regularly check for spyware, malware, viruses, etc.
  8. Do not click links that are sent to you through instant messaging or emails without cross-verifying what it is. Seriously.
  9. Stop downloading porn.
  10. Do not download executables (those that end in .exe, .bat, .com, etc.) from P2P applications.
  11. Stop downloading porn.


Professional Internet User,


More Open University Student Failure

Dear Classmate,

Perhaps it's because you're a freshman, and a year younger than me. Or maybe you're unfamiliar of netiquette outside of Friendster.

Nevertheless, you do not post in intellectual discussion fora using rainbow-colored sentences. There's no need to color your sentence, and changing the color after each sentence. True, this shows uniqueness, but, please, keep it in social networking sites or your personal site or blog. You can even attach glittered blinking marques or something, but in a educational medium, this is a big NO.

Also, please align your post to the left, or justify it. Do not post it center-aligned. What you're posting is not a poem.

Finally, if you do decide to use colors, it's okay if you use one for the entire post. However, do not choose yellow for your text against a white background, as they burn my goddamned eyes.


Your seventeen year old classmate,