On Fail Internet Users

Dear Subscriber,

You have been infected with malware which is causing your computer to send data through the internet making you part of the botnet. I have mentioned a couple of difficult words there which you probably don't understand, especially since you're stupid enough to be infected and become part of it.

I'd rather not bother usually. And usually, I'd laugh in your face and call you a noob. However, your actions have banned my public IP address running through our shared proxy cache. And now, I can't access my own blog. What the hell, Google? Okay, so it isn't Google's fault. And I can't really blame my ISP either.

I don't need you to understand the last paragraph. But what I want you to know is that it's your fault, you fail user of the internet, that I cannot access Blogspot.

Here are some protips you must follow:

1. Do not click on everything that pops up or sparkles or flashes in front of you.
2. Stop downloading porn.
3. Do not install anything downloaded from the web that isn't verified.
4. Stop downloading porn.
5. Use a secure browser and actually use its security features.
6. Stop downloading porn.
7. Regularly check for spyware, malware, viruses, etc.
8. Do not click links that are sent to you through instant messaging or emails without cross-verifying what it is. Seriously.
9. Stop downloading porn.
10. Do not download executables (those that end in .exe, .bat, .com, etc.) from P2P applications.
11. Stop downloading porn.

tl;dr: STOP DOWNLOADING PORN.

Sincerely,

Professional Internet User,
Inggo